I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
