yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
