yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
