My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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