i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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