I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
