I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
