Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
