Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
