I just made out with a guy for $7.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dignity is for republicans.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
