Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Come on in and take your pants off
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