i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
