The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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