i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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