no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
