I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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