wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
