I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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