I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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