i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
