I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
