She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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