My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
