She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So apparently I’m into choking now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
