you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
