There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish you could order shots online.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
