No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
