We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
pray to the hookup gods
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
