Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
