the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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