I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
