wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
