ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
