so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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