That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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