i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
