He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
