i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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