More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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