what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
