Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
