Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
