Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
