Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
