best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
