beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm getting married
To pizza
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
