Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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