I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
