so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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