i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
honey bunches of taint.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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