I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
